The recycled kite

Last week, Mushroom and I were playing in our recently refurbished ‘Jubilee park,’ an outdoor play area cultivated to encourage children to make use of their natural surroundings.

While playing on the little trampolines and running/sliding/rolling down the little man-made hills, created for this very purpose, we saw a kite flying in the near distance.

The man flying the kite noticed Mushroom’s interest, and deliberately lowered it, allowing Mushroom to chase it a while before bringing it down so that we could take a closer look.

Once up close, we realised that the kite was made entirely out of recycled material! A recycling bin bag, some bamboo and an old sheet cut into strips. ‘Even the glue is all natural,’ he told us proudly, ‘I make it with flour and glue. This is a Jamaican kite.’ Mushroom nodded wisely. Grandma and Grandad are Jamaican, therefore Daddy is Jamaican, therefore he is Jamaican (and Nigerian, and British, but that’s for another post). I think he gets it. He recognises ‘Jamaican’ anyway. The man smiled kindly at us. ‘I’ll make you a lickle one, ‘ he promised, ‘to put in your pocket.’

I asked if he sold them and he said yes but then it started to rain and Mushroom was fussing so we headed off. As we walked away I realised something. ‘I never asked your name…’ My shout was lost on the wind, or so I thought.

‘I’ll see you again!’ He shouted his promise across the field and we both nodded. We’ll see him again. When we do, we’ll find out where he sells his kites and whether he’s interested in making one for you, too!

Silent Sunday

Should we leave the kids alone?

I recently read this article in the Guardian, in which Jay Griffiths wonders whether modern parenting might be making our children miserable. Jay introduces the subject with that often demonised ‘sleep training’ method, controlled crying (or ‘Ferberisation’). She asks ‘why would such a thing be promoted? Why would it ever be accepted? What does it reveal about modernity’s priorities? And how does it suggest answers to the riddle of unhappy children?’ She goes on to give examples of different styles of parenting around the world, from India to West Papua, noting that in most indigenous communities, babies are allowed to be babies for much longer, being kept close to their mothers for at least the first two years and in some cultures even co-sleeping up until the age of five. In these countries, ‘controlled crying’ is unheard of and children’s needs are tended to as and when required rather than to a set routine. Despite this ‘extended’ babyhood, as these children grow older they are given much more freedom and, as a result, become more independent at any early age. So, have we got it all wrong?

I am undecided on this one. I think that the idea in the West that children ‘should’ be in some sort of routine, and need to be ‘trained’ to sleep through the night is, as Jay herself suggests, based on the fact that most of us work, and expect our children to eventually join the world of education, followed by some sort of workplace. It’s pretty much a 9 – 5 culture and as such, a good night’s sleep (some time between the hours of 7pm and 7am, depending on how much you need) is important to be able to function within this society. Some might say that as parents, we are more interested in meeting our own needs than those of our children by forcing them to stick to some sort of routine when it goes against their needs. I disagree with this. Unless you are forcing a child to sleep when they are not tired, or refusing to feed them when they are hungry, for example, setting a loose routine can be beneficial for the child as they know what to expect. If I were to let Mushroom eat and sleep when he wanted, he would eat most of the morning, sleep a few hours in the afternoon, and then spend half the night awake and the other half fighting sleep before finally giving in some time around 4am. I know this because I once tried  ’letting him sleep when he wants’ when when I felt guilty about having tried to ‘sleep train’ him. This would be fine if we had no reason to get up in the morning and could sleep as long as we wanted during the day but I work pat-time, my husband works full-time, and Mushroom goes to nursery part-time. On the days I am at home with Mushroom we are a bit more flexible but most child related activities happen between 9 and 5 so that’s when we’re out and about.

I imagine it’s quite a different story for most of the cultures Jay writes about. The children may not be ‘put’ on a routine but as they spend the best part of the day with their mothers, they would naturally follow this routine, waking at dawn and napping whenever they get tired, eating when they are hungry and going back to sleep in their mother’s arms at the end of the day. Here, we might call this ‘attachment parenting.’ There, it’s just parenting. Then, once the child is old enough, they are allowed to roam freely during the day, thus teaching them independence from an early age. I would love to let Mushroom roam free and eventually of course, I will – although the thought of this terrifies me at the moment – once he is old enough to understand that any limitations I put on this freedom are for his own safety. It’s this that makes it hard I think – finding the balance between freedom and safety… And let’s not forget the current culture that suggest we are terrible parents for letting our children play without being closely monitored 24/7. You may remember this post, in which one mother berates another (will we ever get over this?) for looking at her phone while her child plays a short distance away in the relative safety of a local playground. What then, of the mother who allows her young child to play outside of the house (while she watches unseen from inside to ensure safety), to encourage independence? A headline in the Daily Mail, I should imagine, and a visit from Social Services after a call from another ‘concerned parent.’

In the main, however, I do agree that babies should be allowed to be babies for longer than we truly let them. Mushroom is now two years old, and I know he’ll always be a baby to me but I honestly think that although we call them toddlers, these pre-schoolers are still babies really, and should be treated as such. I don’t have any childcare-related qualification that confirms this, it’s just a personal opinion based on my own experience.

So, are we getting it wrong? Well, I think that perhaps somewhere in between the two styles of parenting is probably about right. Allowing our children to be children for as long as possible, providing them with a secure environment (which may or may not involve some kind of routine) and preparing them for life to the best of our ability is all any of us can do. I don’t have the answer, that’s just my opinion. Let’s face it, if any one of us had the answer to the best approach to parenting, then there wouldn’t be so many blogs, books and TV programmes on the subject. My final word on this, though? The best approach to parenting is to love your children, as long as everything you do is based on this, then you’re probably doing it ‘right.’ Whatever that means.

What do you think? I’d love to hear your thoughts so please comment below and keep the conversation going.

Indoor vs Outdoor play

I have a confession to make… I’m not keen on indoor play. Messy or otherwise. There, I said it. I know it’s as important for development as getting outside and getting plenty of exercise and fresh air but to be honest at the moment I am finding it kind of boring… Maybe it’s Mushroom’s age (and short attention span), or maybe it’s the fact that we’ve been stuck indoors quite a lot lately when it’s supposed to be spring – we were even forced home from the park last week due to hailstones. Hailstones! Neither Mushroom or I were happy about that.

I do try – we use indoor play time to work on learning colours, letters and numbers (here’s a handy list of toys to help with the numbers). We also play pretend with whatever we have to hand – and I am actually rather fond of playdoh as we can have fun ‘baking’ without the calories… (We used to bake a lot more. Then my clothes started to get a little tight. I am not good at baking without sampling the spoils!). We do a little messy play with different textures (pasta, jelly), colouring, drawing and quite a lot of sticking… The thing is, after about 20 minutes of any of these activities, I’m as bored as Mushroom is! The only thing that hold both our attention for longer is building lego/duplo towers, playing with cars and trucks (yes, I do really enjoy this!) baking an actual cake and dancing. But we’re getting a bit fed up with these activities on rotation…

I think the problem really is that we’d both just rather be outside. As long as it’s not raining (or hailstone-ing – if that’s a word?), then it puts him in a better mood, makes me feel more awake and tires him out enough that we can actually kind of enjoy a quieter indoor activity in the evening. Today, for instance, we are heading to a local city farm, which we are both very excited about. It’s sunny, we’ll be outside, we get to see lots of animals and play in the park. You just can’t beat all that with any indoor activity (feel free to challenge this! I’d be interested in your comments!).

I’m pretty sure I just need to think of some new indoor activities to freshen things up a bit but here at Mushroom Mansions (no, not really. I wish!), just saying ‘ Let’s go outside,’ can stop a tantrum in it’s tracks. So when it comes to indoor vs. outdoor play for us? No competition.

What about you? Are you the outdoorsy types or do you prefer to chill out indoors? If indoor play is your thing, what kind of activities are always guaranteed to entertain?

Genevieve – A Mummy Plus interview

Last month, I kicked of the 2013 series of Mummy Plus interviews by interviewing Owner/Manager of Tatty Bumpkin South East Oxfordshire, Louise Steele. To find out more about this series, and to ‘meet’ Louise and learn why she’s a Mummy Plus, head back to 20 March in the archives and have a read. Oh, and then come back here to meet this month’s Mummy Plus!

For April’s Mummy Plus interview, I caught up with Genevieve Bennet. Genevieve is a textile designer who works mostly with leather, creating stunning bespoke tiles and panels to add a touch of luxury to your home. It’s not just me who rates Genevieve work highly. She was nominated for the Elle Decoration British Design Awards 2012 and has even been commissioned to create a panel for the living area of a royal residence last year. In addition to running this business, Genevieve is also Mum to three-year-old Torben.

You started your business in 2008, before you had Torben. What was that like?
A terrible time to start a business in retrospect given the economic conditions! I had no idea. However, this meant that things were slower starting up than they would have been, so I continued freelancing as well for some time. Now that things are more established I’ve realised that this was a good thing, as I invested time and money in new products and design and now that people seem to be getting the budgets back, everything is ready. The other plus is that it has given me time to really iron out issues and get everything in place, which is so important.

Tell us a bit more about what you do.
I run a business which designs, makes and sells custom made decorative leather wall coverings for the luxury market. I create hand sculpted, engraved and embossed leather tiles and panels which are used as artwork, wallcoverings, within bespoke cabinet furniture, headboards etc. I also design textiles for homeware brands, such as rugs, bed linen and table linen.

What has been your favourite creation so far?
I just created a sculpted leather wall covering for 60 square metre dining room in an private residence in New York. It was made in a beautiful dark grey leather and is a really lovely floral design. It suited the space very well and the client loved it so I was happy.

Who or what inspires you?
Pattern and colour. Amazing craftsmanship. Simple striking pattern. 1930’s decorative arts. Elizabethan armour. Spitalfields silk designs. The list is sort of long, but these immediately spring to mind.

How did you manage ‘maternity leave’ when you run your own business? Did you take any time off?
I did take off ten months, somehow. It coincided with the worst bit of the recession so things were a little quieter. I did find I had a lot of thinking time when my son was very small so I found it weirdly productive creatively. I came up with one of my main products in that time, but really just in my head and some sketches. Then, when I went back to work I made it happen quickly as I had worked out all the details in the middle of the night while awake!

How do you manage childcare when you’re working?
I have an incredible childminder who has looked after Torben since he was ten months old. I started with her only three days a week, now it is four. I had only planned to keep him with her for six months (then possibly move him to a nursery) but he is so happy and she is so brilliant that I kept it going. She is actually now like family, like another parent to him.

How do you ‘switch off’ when you’re not working?
I am working hard on this. I do yoga and meditate. I make sure I stop at 9pm every night so I have one hour to myself before bed. 10pm is bedtime as I get woken up so early. I do go to the spa every month as I find this is instant relaxation. Or I leave London to visit my parents in Derbyshire.

What’s your biggest challenge at work now… Has it changed over time?
The biggest single problem is having to have an income from the start. I could not just work on my business and invest money waiting for a couple of years to make a profit. I have always had to freelance and split my time, so you are constantly in danger of losing momentum. Now I am finally making the leap and just doing my business, which is very exciting.

If money was no object, what would you do with your time?
Employ someone to do all admin so I could spend all my working time being creative, then I would spend more time with Torben and eventually travel more with him to show him the world.

If you had to describe Torben in just three words, what would you say?
Physical. Funny. Fast.

And finally…

Complete the sentence: ‘I’m a Mummy Plus…’ in no more than 40 words.
‘…a creative energetic person who loves design and art and probably works too much but lucky to make a living from it. Kept sane and happy by incredible friends and family (including the most beautiful son I could ever imagine)’

If you enjoyed this interview, and have more questions you would like to ask Genevieve, please leave a comment below or email me, and I will pass them on.

If you would like to take part in a Mummy/Daddy Plus interview, either leave a comment below, email me or DM me on twitter. If you’re a bit shy but know of someone else you feel is a Mummy/Daddy Plus, let me know why you think they should be interviewed and pass on their contact details so that I can get in touch.

On trying not to drop the glass balls

Whether you work full-time, part-time, or are a stay-at-home-mum, I’m pretty confident that at least once since you had your child (or children), you’ve been asked ‘How do you manage?’ I know I’ve asked it several times – of Mums who seem to have so much more on their plate than I – more work/more kids/less help – it’s hard not to compare and wonder whether you’re doing enough.

On the flip side, though, is that I have been asked the same question – I often think ‘Well I work part-time and I only have one child so how busy can I really be? A friend pointed out recently that actually, I am pretty busy. So, how do I manage? Well, I’m sure I’m not the only one who might respond with ‘I juggle.’

The thing with juggling though, is that it takes some practice, and even experts can drop a ball from time to time. I guess the trick is remembering which balls it’s ok to drop. A long time before I had Mushroom, someone told me a story about juggling – I don’t remember it exactly but it was a metaphor for life (you may have heard something similar) about how some of the balls – family and health stand out but I’m sure there was at least one more – are glass. If you drop these, they might break.

I actually think that family is more than one ball – don’t you? We all have individual relationships with our children, partners, parents, siblings and extended family members (this extends to in-laws if you have them) – that’s quite a lot to keep up with. You might want to throw some of your friends into the mix as well. Then there’s another ball for friends as these are important too, another for health, and so on. It’s tiring just thinking about it! I imagine most of us are juggling other balls too – they may be different for different people but many tie in to these glass ones. For example, although career aspirations may vary, we all need to earn enough money to stay healthy and feed our families – dropping that ball could impact on all the others.

At the moment, I work part-time (in communications) and Mushroom only goes to nursery on the days I work so the rest of the time he’s with me. On these ‘days off’ as they are often laughingly referred to, I spend quality time with Mushroom –  (that’s a glass ball, that one), write two blogs (hence the usual weekly post or less), promote these posts on twitter and other forums as well as other  commitments related to these blogs. I also do the occasional bit of freelance coaching and writing and have started writing a novel (that ball has been dropped several times). Then of course there’s all the usual ‘life’ stuff that everyone has – banking/finance admin, housework/shopping etc. Most of this I do when Mushroom is asleep, which is far less than it used to be (and it wasn’t much to start with) and I think he may drop his lunchtime nap soon (Argh! What will I do? Drop another ball I expect).

So – Of all of this, the most important ‘balls’ for me are immediate family, my job/career (this includes the coaching and writing), my health, my ‘other’ writing (by this I mean personal unpaid projects like pro bono work and my novel) and my friends. Family comes first, alongside my closest friends, but the order of the other balls changes from time to time. Work is too often above health so I’m trying to change this!

How do I manage? Routine, routine, routine. It really does help, although of course it’s good to break the routine once in a while too. Early nights help too – I’m usually in bed before 11, anticipating a 6am start, if not before.

Which are your most important balls? And how do you make sure you don’t drop them?

Photo credit: By audfriday13 at http://www.freedigitalphotos.net

Mushroom’s microscooter

So, This is partly a post about Mushroom ‘graduating from the mini microscooter with a seat, to the older toddler (from age 3, according to the box!) version and partly a post about how kids always seem to want what others have (tell me it’s not just Mushroom)..!

Back in November last year, Mr B and I decided to buy Mushroom a scooter for Christmas. This decision was based on the fact that he repeatedly stole other children’s scooters every time we went to the park. A sound decision, we thought.

He opened it on Christmas day and could not have been more excited. Initially he rode it with the seat but we could see that he would quickly outgrow this (he’s pretty tall). At first, he would only ride it indoors, taking Cloudbabies’ Baba Green (a toy, obviously) for little trips on the back of it from the living room to the kitchen. We often took this version of the scooter to the park and it was hit and miss whether he would ride it outside. I often ended up carrying it. Just as he started to get more confident riding it outside it became clear he had pretty much outgrown it.

In February we took the seat off. Since then, he has so far he has scooted on it twice. Both times indoors. Outside, he prefers to turn it around and push it as though it’s a buggy with an imaginary child in it. Who knows, perhaps that is what is going on in his little head. What perplexes me though, is this: If we come across another child in the park with a scooter – the same scooter, more often that not – then he will still try to steal it and scoot on it. What is that? Anyone? Or is it really just Mushroom?

Disclosure: Just to be clear – this is not a review. Mushroom just happens to have a microscooter and I have linked to the brand to show which one, in case anyone reading likes the look of it and wants to buy one. Microscooters did not request this post and we did not receive payment for it. We do like the brand though. A lot. Read more about my review policy.